


Stuck In The Middle

by blkkskknhed



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crazy, Cuddles, Domestic, Fighting, Fluff, Funny, Humour, Love, M/M, Romance, Sam doesn't get paid enough for this shit, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 14:58:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2656241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blkkskknhed/pseuds/blkkskknhed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know, what? Sam is a patient guy. Like, he’s the kind of friend who will hang around a restaurant for <em>two hours</em> after the arranged meeting time because you’re too scared to step outside your front door. He’ll bring home cartons of ice-cream for you and your other best friend so you guys can have a totally straight, no homo movie night, cuddling beneath layers and layers of blankets. He’ll even offer the duvet from his own bed because he understands how scared one of you is of the cold. Fuck it, he would actually go out and buy you <em>damned</em> tampons and pick up your favourite muffin on the way home because he gets that you’re having a pretty awful day. </p><p>See? He’s a good guy; a real catch.  There is only one thing he really, really does not want to do and that’s play couples therapist to two super-soldiers who are too damn stupid to even realize that they’re a couple. </p><p>And he’s sorry, folks, but that just makes his goddamn blood boil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck In The Middle

You know, what? Sam is a patient guy. Like, he’s the kind of friend who will hang around a restaurant for _two hours_ after the arranged meeting time because you’re too scared to step outside your front door. He’ll bring home cartons of ice-cream for you and your other best friend so you guys can have a totally straight, no homo movie night, cuddling beneath layers and layers of blankets. He’ll even offer the duvet from his own bed because he understands how scared one of you is of the cold. Fuck it, he would actually go out and buy you _damned_ tampons and pick up your favourite muffin on the way home because he gets that you’re having a pretty awful day. 

See? He’s a good guy; a real catch. There is only one thing he really, really does not want to do and that’s play couples therapist to two super-soldiers who are too damn stupid to even realize that they’re a couple. 

And he’s sorry, folks, but that just makes his goddamn blood boil.

 

.

 

The first time it happens; Sam just runs with it. He’s a cool guy and he accepts everyone for who they are. They’re in some shitty diner that Steve _insists_ on bringing Bucky to ‘cause _this is our place, Sam, this is where we used to eat every Friday night when school cut out_. And yeah, okay, the gesture is nice but the place actually _smells_ like it hasn’t been cleaned since the 1930’s so Sam usually just sticks to a soda and usually that’s not a big deal but on this particular day, Bucky decides that it is.

“Why do you keep bringing us here?” he argues after the waitress has placed the sodas in front of them all. “Sam clearly hates it and never eats anything. We always have to stop in that Subway place for him afterwards so why don’t we just cut out the middleman and go straight there?”

He makes sense. He makes a whole lotta sense but Sam know by now not to cut in. So, he just sips his soda innocently and waits for Steve’s response and _jeez_ , Steve, the poor guy is actually blushing and looking at Sam for help.

“I thought…well, I mean, we always used to go here as kids and-”

“It isn’t jogging my memory. The only thing it jogs is my gag reflexes.” Bucky sighs impatiently.

Sam silently cheers at this. He never knew Bucky hated the place as much as he did. He always ate a solid meal but he supposes that years as a brainwashed Russian assassin have probably taught him to waste not, want not.

There is a moment where Sam thinks Steve might actually _cry_ and he prepares himself to intervene when instead, Captain America gets to his feet and gestures towards the door.

“Well? Let’s go then. Let’s go eat some mass-produced, additive filled bread rolls and sip our watered down Pepsi that they insist on selling as Coke and then we can get the subway home and laugh about how we’re eating Subway _on_ the subway and hold hands and skip home.” He exclaims, the flush across his cheeks now travelling down his neck and Sam is a little taken aback. 

He thinks that maybe Steve is being just a tad overdramatic. Bucky is unfazed though and gets to his feet with relish. 

“ _Finally_. I’m glad to see that you’ve decided that it’s okay to enjoy 21st Century things in _the 21st Century_!” He declares before marching past them determinately. 

Sam reluctantly gets to his feet and gives Steve a disapproving look.

“You think, maybe, you’re-”

“He just doesn’t get it!” Steve cuts across him passionately. “He doesn’t understand that maybe this place won’t jog his memory for months but then one day, it will hit him and-”

“And we’ll both ride into the sunset giggling about how we used to share a malt on a warm summers evening?” Bucky shoots over his shoulder. 

Sam has to suck in his bottom lip to stop himself from laughing there and then. Steve looks so outraged and hurt that he wouldn’t be surprised if he ran home and buried himself underneath his duvet. He turns to Sam and gives him a lost look and Sam _hates_ being put in the middle so he just gives Steve a clap on the back and his brightest smile.

“Time, man. We both know he needs time.”

 

.

 

Sam hadn’t slept a wink that night. Instead he had been forced to stay awake until five in the morning listening to those two shouting at each other. It finally ended with Bucky locking himself in the bathroom screaming that he would rather drown himself in an inch of water than stay around Steve for a second longer. Steve had replied with something along the lines of _you should have just left my drown that time, would have been easier for us both_. Bucky’s retort of _Oh, like that time you left me fall?_ had brought the argument to an end. There had been nothing but silence for the longest time and when Sam peeked his head around his bedroom door, he had seen the two of them locked in a rather intimate embrace, whispering their apologies to one another. 

And it brought a tear to Sam’s eye but he’s putting that down to tiredness.

 

.

 

The next time, Natasha is with him and that makes Sam feel a little bit more balanced. He hates being outnumbered almost as much as he hates being put in the middle. 

They were on a mission and Bucky had pulled some dumb as shit stunt that had luckily paid off. And yeah, Sam will admit that he looked hella cool flying through the air like that but his own heart had been in his mouth watching so he could only imagine how Steve had been feeling. Natasha had already chided Bucky for putting himself at risk but that had literally been _nothing_ compared to how Steve explodes when he reaches their base. 

Bucky was just stepping out of his boots when Steve bursts through the door, a furious expression clouding his usually serene face. He charges forward and pushes Bucky so hard the smaller man topples backwards into the sofa behind him. Natasha looks up from her stitches with interest, her mouth quirked into a small smirk as she watches the scene unfold before her.

“What the _fuck_ were you doing?” Steve snarls, looming over Bucky in a threatening manner.

Bucky simply raises an eyebrow and sits back up.

“Watch your language, Captain. Wouldn’t want to upset Pepper and her team of publicists.” He drawls lazily, a small smile creeping across his lips.

And Sam sometimes wonders how they’re best friends/lovers/a closeted homosexual couple because when they have arguments they’re like World War 3 and y’all better take cover.

“Why did you do it? Why did you throw yourself off the building like that? If Sam hadn’t been there-”

“But he _was_ there and I’m fine.” Bucky challenges. “So, there’s really no need for this conversation.”

Sam thinks Steve’s head is gonna explode. From the way Natasha shifts in her seat, he can tell that she’s thinking the same. They both lean closer to each other and try to make themselves look busy.

“This is gold.” She mutters under her breath.

Sam winces and shakes his head ever-so-slightly.

“It really isn’t. Not when you live with it.”

“It’s almost as if you want to die!” Steve snaps exasperatedly. “This is the third time you’ve run unnecessary risks, Buck.”

Bucky’s jaw is set and Sam knows what that means. He slowly rises from his stool and beckons that Natasha should do the same. He is almost out the door when Bucky calls him back. He reluctantly turns around and raises his eyebrows questioningly.

“Hmm?”

“Tell him, Sam! Tell him that he has _no right_ to give out to me when he’s constantly throwing himself in front of bullets and crashing planes into the Artic-”

“That was one time!” Steve exclaims, waving his hands above his head manically.

Bucky gives him an incredulous look.

“One time is all it takes!” He argues.

Natasha emits an amused snort behind him and Sam just shakes his head. He wants to tell them to go sort out their own unresolved sexual tension issues by themselves but he reminds himself that he’s a good guy and just shrugs his shoulders.

“You’re both as bad as each other.” Natasha finally declares. “You’re both just too dumb and stubborn to notice.”

Both of them gape after her as she turns and flounces out of the room. Sam just nods before tailing it out after her, barely able to contain his laughter as he closes the door behind him. He follows Natasha out on the street where they share looks of mirth. 

“They’re ridiculous.” She decides. 

Sam nods in agreement. 

“Let’s go get something to eat. They might be a while.”

 

.

 

When they come home a couple of hours later, Steve and Bucky are crashed out on the couch, their limbs entangled and their foreheads resting against one another. They look so peaceful.

And so _gay_.

“They must know.” Natasha whispers, tilting her head to one side as she examines them.

“They haven’t a clue.” Sam sighs.

 

.

 

The last time is in front of the entire team. It was one of those unending public events where they all stand around and smile whilst they sip champagne and tell the world that _no, really, we’re just your regular fun lovin’ neighbours_. They were all well-dressed and well-behaved. Well, as well-behaved as a group of superheroes can be. Sam was enjoying himself. He was flirting shamelessly with a certain Maria Hill and was completely oblivious to the attention two other superheroes were drawing to themselves until Tony appeared by his side.

“Sorry to interrupt but we’ve got us a StarBucks situation.” He declares, his smile too wide and his eyes too bright.

Sam sighs internally and shakes his head, excusing himself and following Tony dutifully across the hall to where Steve and Bucky were hissing at each other in a corner.

“What is it now?” He asks warily.

Natasha turns around and gives him a sympathetic look.

“From what I can gather Bucky and Darcy were flirting and Steve was dancing with Sharon but he spun her too hard and spilled red wine down the front of Darcy’s cream dress.” She explains.

“It was very clumsy of him.” Clint infers. 

“Clumsy or deliberate?” Tony argues with an arched brow. “I’ve seen the Star Spangled Man with a Plan dance and believe me, he’s smooth and very controlled.”

Clint narrows his eyes and nods as he begins to understand the conspiracy. 

“Darcy is most upset.” Thor sighs. “Jane is bathing her as we speak.”

Sam pushes past the group and steps closer to the two arguing children. He can just catch snippets of their conversation over the music.

“… _accident_ , you know I can’t dance…”

“….good dancer that time with Agent….”

“….ever gonna let that one go? I didn’t know she was your…”

“…fuck, Steve, I don’t even know what your problem is…”

“…tried being less of an asshole and more of…”

“….no idea of what I’ve been through! Do you know how…”

“…I killed myself for you. I would have torn the earth in…”

“….must be very disappointed with what came back then…”

“Boys.” Sam declares, clearing his throat loudly. “This is a public event; you think maybe we can tone down the dramatics until we get home?”

The look on Steve’s face is one of complete devastation and Sam didn’t hear the entire conversation but he heard enough to know that maybe things have gone a bit too far. Bucky’s lips are twisted unhappily and his expression is unreadable.

“Darcy said it’s okay.” Natasha says from Sam’s side. “She said she thinks the wine makes it look like a cool tie-dye dress.”

They both give short, stilted nods. Sam and Natasha share a glance.

“So, you guys can go back to dancing if you like?” Sam offers weakly.

Steve shakes his head.

“Nah…I’m gonna head home.” He mutters before slipping past them and making his way through the crowd and the look that Bucky gives him is not one of friendship, Sam can tell you that much.

“You should follow him.” Sam sighs, wondering why he was putting himself in the middle willingly. “Go after your boy and make up.”

Bucky drags his gaze away from Steve and gives Sam a confused look.

“My…?”

Natasha barks something in Russian that makes Bucky’s eyes widen.

“Oh.” He breathes before nodding and tearing through the crowd after him.

Sam exhales weakly and rolls his eyes. Tony drapes an arm across his shoulder and grins widely.

“Be grateful you got those two. I had Thor and Loki when they were going through their ‘so what? Brothers can still fuck’ stage.” He chuckles.

Sam feels his eyes widen and he gives Thor a shocked look. The god only shrugs one mighty shoulder and smiles. 

“It was merely a phase.”

 

.

 

Sam braces himself for when he comes home, expecting glasses to be broken and plates to be thrown. 

What he comes across instead is much, much worse. 

Right there, on his mother’s _damned_ sofa was a completely naked Bucky riding an equally naked Steve. Their eyes were closed and their mouths were moving against one another as they moved silently, grinding against one another deep and slow. 

He clears his throat loudly and averts his gaze, fixing his eyes on the china cabinet at the other side of the room. They don’t spring apart when they realize he’s here, Steve simply grabs the throw and wraps it around them in a futile attempt to preserve some dignity. 

“Not that I’m not fucking relieved that you two idiots have finally gotten your act together or anything, it’s just in my house I kind of have this rule where if you gonna have sex, you gonna have it in your bedroom, you get me?” He states clearly.

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Steve nodding seriously whilst Bucky pulls a face.

“Sorry, Sam. We didn’t mean to, it just…kind of happened.” He explains quietly.

Sam nods understandingly.

“That’s okay…sometimes we can’t…control ourselves, I guess but seriously, you two, next time just make it to your rooms, okay?”

Sam leaves it at that and makes his way to his room and that night, when he’s kept awake by the sounds of two super-soldiers having sex, he decides that he kind of misses the arguments.

(Cause he swears, if he has to hear _Oh, Bucky!_ one more time, he’s moving out.)

**Author's Note:**

> Just some harmless fluff and crack. Lemme know what y'all think


End file.
